By Shannon DeWitt
Corporate marketing works to ensure that a product will be highly sought after by a consumer. While most new products have the best intentions, sometimes you just have to ask, “What exactly were they thinking?” We all remember New Coke and what a disaster that was, but what other well-known name brands have stepped outside of their comfort zone to release something new? Let’s take a trip down memory lane and look at various failed firsts. These now-discontinued products from our past serve as fond memories, and in some cases stern warnings to never try this again.
Hot Dog Bites Pizza
Pizza Hut has always had an adventurous menu. They have tested a cheeseburger crust pizza, a pizza with mini meat pies, and they even released a pizza box that—with the help of your phone—could become a projector. None of those compare to the 2015 freak show that was dubbed the Hot Dog Bites Pizza.
This pizza starts out normal, but the crust was surrounded with an endless supply of pigs in a blanket—28 of them to be exact. Plus, who wouldn't want a pizza that came with a side of mustard (most people, it turns out). Recognizing how unbelievable this gimmick seemed, when it launched the product, Pizza Hut tweeted out “It’s Real.” At 460 calories a slice this pizza was a genuine mouthful.
PB MAX
In 1989, Mars Incorporated (the candy conglomerate behind M&M’s, Milky Way and Snickers) decided to release a candy bar that was basically a combination of peanut butter, milk chocolate, and cookie pieces appropriately named PB MAX. The candy sold very well, perhaps in part to a clever advertising campaign that mentions that the PB didn't stand for parachuting buffalos, pink baboons, polka bands and other humorous items. Despite $50 million in revenue, they were gone from the shelves by 1994. The reason why the bars are no longer produced was rumored to be that the Mars family simply had a distaste for peanut butter.
Pizzabon
Seems like every fast-food restaurant has attempted crafting various pizza entrées. This one, however, is perhaps the icing on the cake. Actually, in this case, they removed the icing to make room for the sauce, cheese, and pepperoni.
In the summer of 2012, Cinnabon felt the need to branch out and released the Pizzabon. This creation could have easily ruined my favorite pit stop at the mall, but thankfully this short-lived monstrosity was destined to fail. Word of advice to all fast-food chains: don’t attempt a pizza. History will not be kind to you.
Double Down
The only way to describe KFC’s Double Down is meat-on-meat-on-meat. The sandwich consisted of two pieces of fried chicken fillet that replaced the traditional bun, with bacon, cheese, and sauces inside. KFC announced the Double Down on April Fool’s Day in 2010.
According to KFC, this unholy combination sold 10 million units in just over 2 months. This initial interest kept the sandwich on the menu for a while but interest waned and although it has reappeared on an occasion the sandwich is no longer part of their line-up for which our arteries thank you.
McStuffins
McDonalds attempted a variety of failed food experiments. The '70s gave us McSpaghetti, the '80s brought the McDLT, but the strangest one of them all came in the '90s. In 1993, the strangely-named hot pocket clone dubbed "McStuffins" was created. These came in four flavors and were merely French bread stuffed with Chicken Teriyaki, BBQ Chicken, Philly Beef & Cheese and Pepperoni Pizza.
The McStuffins was an absolute flop and didn’t even make it until the end of the year.
Gatorgum
What if we could have a gum to chew that would quench our thirst and provide nutritional benefits at the same time? That’s exactly what Gatorgum was said to do when it was released in 1981. The gum manufactured by Fleer corporation was produced in both of Gatorade's original flavors (lemon-lime and orange) and was marketed to the active sports-minded consumers. The only problem was they didn’t seem all that interested. The product was produced on and off through the early 2000’s but never sold that well. More people remember the odd “Dry Mouth” commercials more than they remember the actual gum.
Seafood Salad
In an attempt to diversify its menu and add a Lenten meal option, Taco Bell decided to add the Seafood Salad to its menu in 1986. Served in a tortilla bowl, this salad contained a mix of shrimp, snow crab, and whitefish and was filled with lettuce, tomato, and olives.
The chain was forced to pull it after numerous reported incidents of food poisoning. Plus, most people remember the distinctive odor it gave to the restaurants. Honestly, the whole idea smells a little fishy to me.
Seafood Salad? And I thought the tacos gave me indigestion...